Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
