Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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