imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
