You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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