I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
