Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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