The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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