I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
