hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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