I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
