I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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