i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
