i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
