apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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