Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
