so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
