Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
