at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
