Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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