Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
