WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
