Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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