it hurts more in the daytime
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
