I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
