I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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