I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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