I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
