Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
