Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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