I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
