I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
