Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
