I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
