oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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