i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I pour the whiskey from now on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
