Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
