My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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