I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
