she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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