my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
