i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
