Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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