What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
