yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
