The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
