You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
