remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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