I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
