I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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