Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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