why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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