there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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